October.

So, i sent in a request to my gym to do barbells for boobs- hopefully it goes somewhere quick as October is breast cancer awareness month.   i want to do barbells for boobs to remind girls, and myself that everyone(guys are at risk too!!) is at risk for breast cancer.  if there are things you can do to keep your body strong and healthy you should do them.  usually i am not huge into the pink ribbon thing- not because i don't care, not because i don't think it is a great cause, i just [personally] think that sometimes, people are more info the pink swag than what is it all about.

cancer.

cancer sucks.

just a few years ago, i was oblivious to the effects of cancer.  the side effects.  the ones in your body.  the ones outside of your body.  the social side effects.  i didn't really know anyone that had cancer, and anyone i knew that was effected by cancer (family/ friend), didn't really talk about it.  I was in college then.  college is a time in your life where you should feel invisible, and take 4 years for yourself to have fun, be selfish and enjoy life, because one morning you will wake up with that roughly 100grand piece of paper in your hands and immediately there is expectations, and debt and and the need to 'grow up'.

while in college, i got to meet this AMAZING girl named Kim Sibbach that was forced to grow up so much sooner than she should have had to, and in such a difficult way.  Kim was diagnosed with breast cancer. cancer. at 23. cancer.

Kim passed away about 2 and a half years ago. from cancer. at 26.

Kim had a spirit about her that is indescribable in the absolute best possible way. i am so jealous of the people that were closer with her.  she is genuinely the type of person you want to surround yourself by. she was funny, and smart, and pretty, and real. going back and reading bits and pieces of Kim's blog leaves me with mixed feelings.  i am sad because i miss her, and wish that i could have spent more time with her.  i am able to smile because i can hear her voice reading the posts in my head.  i can shake my head remembering the last conversation i had with her- word for word- facial expressions- everything- like it was yesterday.

just a few years out of college i sit here and face in palms shake my head counting how many people i know that have cancer. had cancer. know and love someone with cancer. have lost someone they love to cancer.

cancer sucks.

Kim had a way about her though.  I think sometimes she did it for the people around her, but i really hope she did it for herself: staying upbeat. and staying herself.  she found ways to take one of the worst diagnoses ever- and keep her life moving.  she kept working.  she finished school.  she kept blogging.  she kept her life going as much as possible while living a separate life as 'a sick person.'  i really hope she looks down from where ever it is that she is, with a drink in a koozie, in her sundress and realizes how many people she touched.

i don't believe in luck. but i was so lucky to know her.